The Umbridge Haters club
by Topkitten
Summary: Do you hate Umbridge? Join the club! A selection of songs, and now scenes, designed to make you laugh and Umbridge go red.And also no flames please, cos i can b nasty when i want, as u will no if u read this.
1. Umbridge, we h8 u

The Umbridge Haters Club

**The Moron Song**

Authors note: I have had so much fun writing this!!! Calling all haters of Umbridge, we need you to review this chapter to help make Umbridge's life a misery!

**Disclaimers: Umbridge ain't mine, but the lyrics are mine, all mine! Well ok, my mate Frances made up the chorus but apart from that. **

1,2,3,4

Umbridge is a moron!

5,6,7,8

Everybody sing along!

She's loopy in the head,

Mental in the mind,

And that is just the reason,

I wanna kick her fat behind!

1,2,3,4

Umbridge is a moron!

5,6,7,8

Everybody sing along!

She's as thick as a brick,

Ugly as a pig,

She's just so flippin' stupid

And she's just so fat and big!

1,2,3,4

Umbridge is a moron!

5,6,7,8

Everybody sing along!

She's loopy in the head,

Mental in the mind,

And that is just the reason,

I wanna kick her fat behind!

1,2,3,4

Umbridge is a moron!

5,6,7,8

Everybody sing along!

She's as thick as a brick,

Ugly as a pig,

She's just so flippin' stupid

And she's just so fat and big!

1,2,3,4

Umbridge is a moron!

5,6,7,8

Everybody sing along!

Wind the bobbin up rewrite 

Point to the ceiling, point to the floor,

Point to the dipstick standing at the door.

Dolores Umbridge is her name,

And I think she is totally lame.

**Authors note: Put a tune to it and start singing! If u like me but hate Umbridge review review review!**


	2. Umbridge, we'll say it again, we h8 u

The Umbridge haters Club

Authors note: Really short songs but who cares? They're daft.

Disclaimers: I nicked song two off of a really old episode of Dad's Army. But it's still daft.

The Umbridge Anthem

(Like the British National Anthem only different)

Please plonk our hated Umbridge into a pile of poo,

We really want to see it, so do it do it do!

Whistle While you work

(Like the song Whatshisname sang off of Dad's Army)

Whistle while you work,

Umbridge is a twerp,

She's so balmy,

So's her army,

Whistle while you work!

Joy to the world

Joy to the world!

Umbridge is dead!

We barbecued her head.

What did we do with the body?

We flushed it down the potty!

And round and round and round and round and round and round it goes!

Joy to the world rewritten by Misao, Demon master

Joy to the world!

Umbridge is gone!

We killed her with a thong!

We made sure she's dead,

By crushing her head!

Repeat the sounding joy!

Repeat the sounding joy!

Repeat, repeat the sounding joy!

**Authors note: Sorry that the songs r short but do u know how hard it is 2 rite a stupid song that is long.**

**Drama queen 2004: I'm not making you read it. Oh well, not everyone can like me. And what's wrong with Ds? My cousin got a D in her GCSEs.**

Krispykreme: Well I'm glad you liked it at least. I just wish I had more reviewers. Have some chocolate bars and a free season pass to Alton Towers cos u r fab.


	3. One more time, Umbridge, we h8 u!

Umbridge Haters club 03

Authors note: I'm so happy! I have got at least a million reviews! Thanks people! Now you can all join in, Looneytunes! Drama Queen and Dude, whenever I do that on my computer it makes a little smiley face like this I guess my computer's smarter than the review thing.

A padfoots-angellover tribute

Run Umbridge, run I see you run from the DA it wants you.

That was specially for you.

This is for Ced who reviewed me a song (clever)

I hate Umbridge

She's a dirty fat lass

I want to kick her a(donkey)

She's so mean and she's so cruel,

And she's so dirty she could supply the U.S with a year worth of fuel!

Umbridge is a b! (she dog)

She's also a terrible witch!

Jingle Bells for kayee-kayee(kk)

Jingle bells, Umbridge smells

We want her to go away!

She's a toad,

And a right fat, heavy load!

We'd be millionaires if every time she coughed she'd have to pay!

I am proud

A note from Umbridges father

"I'm sorry she turned out wrong," said the toad,

"But that's just the way she is you know.

Shame she looks human

But she is really is a toad.

Did I mention when she was young

she was so ugly she caused a car crash on the road?"

Authors note: I love you! Have loads n loads of chocolate! Review pleeeeease!


	4. One final time, Umbridge, we h8 u!

**Perhaps you've noticed, Umbridge, we hate you!**

A/N: This chapter is an experiment. Instead of doin songs im doin a crossover scene from shrek 2 and Harry Potter. If you like it, tell me and I will do scenes as well as songs in future.

**Disclaimers: ideas mine, characters not.**

Scene: After Donkey and Shrek have taken the magic potion.

Shrek: Donkey, you're a …

Donkey: Stallion baby! Man, that magic potion is real strong stuff! _(Notices Umbridge standing in the corner)_ And that looks like it could do with some of that potion as well! To stop it looking like a toad, with those beady little eyes and three warts on its nose and that big backside…

Umbridge: What did you just call me?!

Donkey: Oh man! It talks! It's alive!

Umbridge: How dare you! I am the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

(Puss in Boots decides he has had enough of this and chops Umbridge's head off)

Reader: Why make P in B be so mean?

Me: Who else would've killed her? It's hard writing a fanfic.

(The dead Umbridge decides she will keep her nose out of other peoples stories in future and stick with HP. Everyone at Hogwarts is happy and throw a big party until Umbridge comes back to life because that didn't happen no matter how much we all wish it did. Forget that last bit, everyone threw a party and lived happily ever after cos Umbridge is dead.)

A/N: Was that scene good? Good enough for me to do another one? Well ill try.

Scene: Umbridge has gone to inspect the magical fair. She walks into the hall of mirrors. All the mirrors crack as she walks past them. Children hide behind their parents.

Little boy: Mummy, why's that lady so ugly?

Umbridge: Have you ever taught your son some manners?!

Mother: Did your mother ever teach you how to lose weight?

Umbridge: This fair clearly isn't safe, all the mirrors have cracked. I expect to see action taken immediately.

Fair manager: Ok (puts Umbridge on Tunnel of Doom, she is never seen again. Everyone claps and cheers and Hogwarts is once again a nice place to be.)

A/N: That was good; I've both insulted and killed Umbridge. Now since she isn't really dead I need your help to write more scenes, songs and stuff to make her life not worth living (in other words, review). Down with Umbridge!

Misao, Demon Master, check out chappie 2 4 ur song, and everyone else make sure u read it!


	5. We lied, about the one final time bit

Okay, we lied, about the one last time part

Disclaimers: Thank you J K Rowling for Umbridge (I guess) and thankyou Eminem for the nose thing (but I still hate the video)

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been really busy (no, really)  oh hang on, that comes up as a square (no fair) :( But now Im back! :) Lets start with a scene in which the Toad can die.**

Scene: Umbridge is practising spells. She is rubbish and can't do them to save her life. She accidentally switches bodies with Michael Jackson.

Umbridge: Oh no! I've switched bodies with Michael Jackson!

Reader: I know, now how do you die?

Umbridge: (nose falls off) My nose has fallen off! (melts because of too much plastic surgery) I've melted because of too much plastic surgery!

Me: Does that answer your question?

Michael Jackson: Oh no! I've switched bodies with that geek from Harry Potter! (has more plastic surgery so he doesn't look like a toad for the rest of his life and then melts)

The End 

**A/N: There, 2 for the price of 1. Now lets try some songs!**

We're just telling it like it is

Umbridge looks like a toad who wants to eat a flea,

She's so thick her brain must be the size of a pea.

She probably doesn't even know how to use a knife and fork,

That's one of the reasons why she's such a dork.

She dresses like the ugly sisters in Cinderella,

If we had it our way we'd lock her in the cellar.

The world would be a much nicer place,

If she was sent off to the Bermuda Triangle in a suitcase.

Marching song with a twist 

_We used to sing this at Brownie camp (great, now Im thinking of chocolate brownies) but I've twisted it to fit Umbridge._

Everywhere we go,

People wanna know,

Who we hate

And why we hate them,

So we tell 'em,

We hate Umbridge!

Dorky, dorky Umbridge!

And if they cant hear us,

We shout a little louder!

**(you repeat this singing louder)**

Everywhere we go,

People wanna know,

Who we hate

And why we hate them,

So we tell 'em,

We hate Umbridge!

Dorky, dorky Umbridge!

And if they cant hear us,

We shout a little louder!

**(you get the picture)**

And finally… 

Everywhere we go,

People wanna know,

Who we hate

And why we hate them,

So we tell 'em,

We hate Umbridge!

Dorky, dorky Umbridge!

And if they cant hear us,

They must be DEAF!

**A/N: I haven't had chance to read my reviews so if you reviewed me a song I'll put it in the next chappie, sorry. I hope you enjoyed my update. C U soon!**


	6. umbridge sucks, no umbridge REALLY sucks

Next chapter of ppl hu HATE Umbridge 

**A/n: im just gonna do scenes this chappie cos I need u 2 review me sum songs.**

**Disclaimers: see previous chapter**

Scene: in the divination classroom and the moron is doing her inspection.

Umbridge to Trelawney: could you predict something for me please?

Trelawney: (looks angry and then says) yes, I see a great downfall for you in the near future.

Umbridge: how near?

Trelawney: very near!(pushes her out of the window and the moron falls 10000 feet to the ground and dies. A cheer goes up from the class.

**A/n: this one is pretty lame but I fink its funny.**

Scene; Umbridges first lesson.

Moron: anyone who wishes to speak in my class will please raise their hand.(everyone in the class puts one of those big foam hands into the air and says "shut up, moron")

(Umbridge goes red with anger and her head explodes. the class celebrates)

A/N: Please review and say its good cos I haven't read ny reviews 4 a long time. Hpe it made u laff.


	7. Umbridge is a complete

**Umbridge moron, dork, freak weirdo etc.**

**A/N:I didn't actually write this chapter, Spirits Shadow did, and isn't it great.**

**Disclaimers: Like I said I didn't write this , but you know wot I own and wot I don't nyway.**

**Note to Spirits Shadow: I'm dedicating this chapter to you because your songs are fantastic.**

Jingle bells rewrite 

Crashing through the snow,  
In a no horse broken sleigh.  
Over the hills she goes,  
crashing all the way! (Bang,Bang!).

I hope that she will die,  
and if shes still alive.  
Ill murder her and make it look like,  
it was suicide!

(I wrote this chorus though)

Jingle bells, Umbridge smells,

She deserves to die!

One day I will butcher her

And make an Umbridge pie!

(That bit was mine I hope u like it)

On top of old smokey rewrite.

On top of old smokey,  
all covered in blood.  
Thats where I shot Umbridge,  
with my 49 stud.

I went to her funeral,  
and up to her grave.  
Some people through flowers,  
I threw a granade.

Then 40 years later,  
she rose from the dead.  
I took my bazooka,  
and I shot off her head.

It rolled down the highway,  
and into a store,  
The old cashier saw it,  
an he puked on the floor!

**A/N: Well I hope u liked those songs as much as I did. You can all have a Death By Chocolate desert if you review and Spirits Shadow can have double because those songs are fab!**


	8. 10 reasons why umbridge is a complte mor

10 reasons why Umbridge is a total moron

A/N: That's exactly wot ive written this chapter 10 reasons why Umbridge is a moron. I thought I'd do something a bit different, but please review me sum songs at the end of this cos ur real good at writin em and I want to put some more up. Oh and sorry bout the slow updating but I haven't realy had chance to get on the computer cos ive been in Switzerland.

**Disclaimers: u no wots mine and wots not.**

10 reasons why Umbridge is a complete and utter moron.

1) She looks like a fat toad

(she was probably born in a pond)

2) She tries to do a good fake cough but always gets it wrong - Ahem ahem ahem

(if you think that _that's _convincing you are brain damaged, Umbridge. Well it's final, you're brain damaged.)

3) She fake coughs for attention

(which is the reason why she's allergic to cough sweets, the type of attention she wants isn't the type of attention where you're offered cough sweets.)

4) She throws a paddy if she doesn't get her way

(only Umbridge hissy fits usually consist of a gruesome and sorry excuse for a smile and a ridiculously high voice which even a complete idiot can't think is genuine.)

5) Shes just plain stupid

(like when she tells everyone to put their hands up if they want to speak and then she ignores them! That's pathetic, weird, and like I said just plain stupid. Very moron like.)

6) She's so girly

(I know some people are girly but that's just going too far. Were not in Victorian times where girls have to behave like cherry pies-although no-one would get that impression of Umbridge in a million years-but whats with all those bows and frills and those horrible kittens-ugh! I love kittens like my name says but I can make an exception for those zombie-freaks)

7) She does favouritism

(no-one in their right mind would favour slytherins over gryffindors, and your not meant to have favourites in the first place if youre a teacher. Well I suppose Umbridge _is _mentally ill and the worst teacher the world has ever seen.)

8) She gets pointless 'educational degrees' passed

(every single one of them was pointless but banning the Quibbler? What's you're excuse for that Umbridge? Does it come alive and eat people? Well if it does I hope it eats _you_. We know the real stupid reason why you banned it but what are you gonna tell Luna's dad?)

9) She tried to get Dumbledore sacked

(and we all know what happened to her don't we? Serves her right for messing with Dumbledore. But if I was Dumbledore I wouldn't just have knocked her out, oh no.

She would have a toads head, although it probably wouldn't look much different, a weird bright pink plastercine blob for a body and any skin that was left would be bright green - to clash horribly with the pink. Review and tell me what you would have done.)

10) She's half-breedist

(that must be in the magical world what racism is in our world. Those centaurs were real mean to Firenze but dead smart for getting Umbridge. Ha! She finally got what she deserved!)

Bonus reason: Her voice doesn't match her appearance

(she looks like a toad with the voice of an…um… really-high-pitched-singing bird. Very weird.)

A/N:Well, that was my longest chapter yet though probably not the funniest. But still, I hope you found it interesting, though you probably prefer the songs which im waiting for you to review me (hint hint). If u like me u r great, if u like this u r fab and most of all ANY1 WHO HATES UMBRIDGE IS REALLY REALLY COOL!


	9. Lets kill Umbridge again!

**Lets kill Umbridge again!**

**Authors note: This song is by Meow but I did the last verse cos she asked me to.**

Chorus: Umbridge got run over by a centaur,  
coming home from Hogwarts one fine eve,  
Muggles say there's no such thing as centaurs,  
but as for me and the DA, we believe!

She had drunken way, way to much butterbeer,  
we all hoped and prayed that she would go,  
and when she listened not to threats or pleading,  
we shoved her out the door into the snow!

(chorus)

We thought at first that one of us had killed her,  
but there was no sign magical attack,  
but she had a couple arrows on her forehead,  
and incriminating hoof marks on her back!

(chorus)

But we thought that we should destroy the corpse,  
So we threw her in the lake,  
The giant squid came and gobbled her up,  
He said "yuck! I would rather have smelly fish and cake!"  
(hope Umbridge didn't make him sick)

**A/N:Here is a scene specially for Starlight Phoenix.**

Scene: Umbridge has just finished her boring speech at the start of the year. She looks up and then realises that everyone has fallen asleep.

Umbridge: Why are you sleeping? Wake up! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!…(and this just keeps on going)

Everyone else: Alright, we're awake, you can shut up now!

Umbridge: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! (this still just keeps on going cos she hasn't noticed)

Random person: (walks in from outside) whats that noise? Is somebody dying?

Random person's friend: (takes off his belt and uses it to strangle Umbridge. She makes a gurgling noise while still trying to shout and starts dying) they are now (Umbridge dies) now they're dead.

Everyone: (cheers random person's friend for killing Umbridge)

**A/N: Don't know where that came from, I just made it up. Well it was funny don't you think? And you got a double update.**

**Note to tails500: hey, that's a good idea. Lets think of sum songs…**


	10. death to the Umbitch!

Death to the Umbitch

A/N: I know its been a long time, but ive been glued to HP book 6 and im probably gonna read it all again when ive finished so sorry 4 being slow! Plus im kinda running out of fresh ideas so I need youre help!

Scene: the dungeons, umbridge is locking up harry's firebolt.

Umbridge: now don't let anyone near that broom, got it?

Troll: ugh?

Umbridge: don't let potter get his broom back!

Troll: (seems to notice her for the first time) ugh! Toad! Me no like toad! (and knocks off her head with his club. The Umbitch dies again)

And this was by WiNdScArBaBe, to the tune of jingle bells again 

She's dashing through the snow,  
Chased by centaurs  
Oh she's nearly at  
The main Hogwart's doors!  
But though she's getting close,  
Although she's nearly there,  
Little does this witch realize  
She's in her underwear!

My chorus 

Jingle bells, Umbridge smells, and I mean she really pongs!

Not only is she missing clothes but she has no deodorant on!

This was by Meow 

Umbridge is a creep  
If she's in a jeep  
It might as well crash  
And turn her into hash.

A/N: nice one, Meow, short but sweet and so true. Jingle bells is so overused but the old ones are the best, I like that one WiNdScArBaBe. Thanx to you 2 4 givin me sum songs n every1 who reviewed can have a choc fudge sundae since its national ice cream day, or u could have caviar cos its national caviar day too but I'd rather have the sundae. Please review!

Luv T.K


	11. harry and ron's idea

Harry and Ron's fantastic idea

A/N: What happens in this chapter is actually based on a true story about a man who tried to commit suicide but only just. It should have happened in book five when everyone wanted to kill Umbridge.

**Disclaimers: J.K Rowling owns the characters and the method of killing Umbridge belongs to a dead man who has tested it and proved it very efficient.**

_Scene: Harry and Ron are in the Gryffindor common room, for the sake of this story they have no homework and are looking bored. Ron suddenly has an idea._

Ron: Hey, I know! Let's kill Umbridge!

Harry: yeah! Great idea!

Ron; Let's poison her!

Harry: No, hang her!

Ron: Set her on fire!

Harry: Blast her brains out!

Ron: All great ideas but which one would hurt most?

Hermione: _walks over to them _You do realise you could do them all, and a few other things.

Harry & Ron: We could?

Hermione: Yeah listen, _and she tells them her plan._

_Scene: All the D.A are on one of those cliff things by the lake hiding behind bushes. Fred and George are still there at this point and they have set off a firework near the edge of the cliff thing. Umbridge comes running._

Umbridge: Oh no! not another! _She runs up to the firework that explodes in her face. Then Hermione waves her wand and a noose appears from no-where and gets itself round Umbridges neck. Then Ginny waves her wand and Umbridge is pelted with bat bogies **(the suicidal person didn't do that by the way, I made it up)** Luna runs up to Umbridge and forces her to drink poison. Then Ron sets her on fire and Harry pushes her off the cliff with his wand so that she hangs while on fire and poisoned, then just to finish it off harry pulls out a hand gun and aims to blast her brains out. Unfortunately he misses. The bullet cuts the rope and Umbridge falls into the water that puts out the fire immediately and the shock causes her to vomit out the poison. The bat bogies that didn't get burnt have by this time drowned (I mean gone soggy and sunk)_

Harry: damn, she's still alive after all that.

Umbridge: oh help! Save me! Save me!

Filch: Oh no! my girlfriend's drowning in the lake only I cant help because I'm a big fat squib!

Snape: but I can. _Levitates her out of the lake and drops her on the ground._

Umbridge: Professor snape! Oh thank you!

Snape: don't thank me, I only saved you 'cause you owe me ten galleons for that poison.

Umbridge: What? _Then mimics the suicidal man and dies from hypothermia. A cheer goes up from the crowd who saw her die apart from Filch who jumps in the lake and drowns so he can be with his one true love. The End_

A/N: I loved writing that! It is just so funny! Sorry if I haven't put your song in this chapter but I will next time. Promise. If you reviewed me one anyway you can have some nice chocolate fondue (marshmallows and fruit covered in melted chocolate) to say sorry. Hope you enjoyed reading what I've written though, please review and tell me!


	12. we all hate umbridge!

**We all hate Umbridge! (And Bellatrix and Wormtail)**

A/N: Thank you so much guys! Especially Tails500 

**Disclaimers: Some my stuff, others your stuff, characters J.K Rowlings stuff.**

This is by Tails500 to the tune of mary had a little lamb. It also insults bellatrix and Wormtail so im gonna think of stuff that insults them too.

Umbridge is a stupid clown,stupid clown,stupid clown, Umbridge is a stupid clown...she ain't got no brain,

Bellabitch just makes me frown, makes me frown, makes me frown, Bellabitch just makes me frown she--(Kreacher interrupts)How dare you insult my mistress! I'll kick your beeping--(Dobby and Winky drag him off stage)No! No!(A police siren is heard in the distance and a car racing off.)

Wormtail needs to go fall down, go fall down, go fall down, Wormtail needs to go fall down...in the fiery pits of hell.

And this is by TicTacTurtle to the tune of Cruella De Ville

Umbridge's Evil, Umbridge's Evil  
If she doesn't scare you no other hag will  
To see her is to take a sudden chill  
Umbridge, Oh Umbridge's Evil

The curl of her lips, the ice in her stare  
All innocent students had better beware  
She's like a monster waiting for her evil quill  
Look out for Umbridge's Evil

At first you think Umbridge is the devil  
But after time has wore away the shock  
You come to realize, you've seen her kind of eyes  
Watching you from underneath lily pad

This vampire toad, this inhuman frog  
She ought to be locked up and never released  
The world was such a whole-some place until  
Umbridge, Oh Umbridge Evil

The so-overused jingle bells tune by Ril-0

Dashing through the snow,  
After a student broke her leg  
Umbridge run for her life  
While Dumbledore just eats his egg!  
Shes not running fast,  
But the snow runs away from her as well,  
The cenatours are catching up,   
and unfortunatally she fell.

Stamping hooves, Stamping hooves, over the fat toads face,

The centaurs have got their revenge and put the big frog in her place!

(chorus by me, that's three different choruses I've ritten now)

Round and round the mulberry bush by Misao, Queen of Iceland

Round and round the mulberry bush,  
The Umbridge chased the kneazle.  
And so Umbridge the kneazle did trip,  
Pop goes her head.

Another sweet little four-liner by Meow

If Umbridge died tomorrow  
Few would feel sorrow.  
To describe that jerk  
"Ministry moron" would work.

**The stuff that comes next was inspired by sassafrass and Tails500**

Scene: Umbridge is in her office thinking how clever she is when she hears a noise coming from down the corridor, it is;

We are the Umbridge-destroyer squad, We're here to destroy that big,fat fraud,

Hermione: We are the coolest,

Dobby:Me too!

Hagrid: We're gonna kick that big toad's Poo...hole! We are the Umbridge-destroyer squad.

Umbridge: What's all this! And whats that? (hagrid is holding a rabid weasel)

Hagrid: Its called Cuddles and I think he likes you (cuddles is trying to bite umbridges nose. Dobby conveniently sneezes and hagrid drops Cuddles who then does bite Umbridges nose.)

Umbridge: aaagh! Get it off!

Hermione: The only method of removing a rabid weasel from one's face is by prizing apart its jaws and pulling it away once it has been successfully tranquillised by a trained professional using a…

Umbridge: I mean't in English!

Hermione: sorry, are all those big words too much for your single brain cell to cope with?

Dobby: (pulls out a shotgun) Dobby was going to use this on bellatrix but he doesn't see why he shouldn't have some target practise with you.

Kreacher; (appears from no-where) how dare you insult my mistress!

Dobby: Oh shut up! (shoots Kreacher) on no! dobby has used up all his ammunition!

Hagrid: Not to worry (sits on Umbridge and crushes her to death)

Hermione: look what I have here, it what muggles use to kill rats, its called rat poison. Now Umbridge is dead we need someone else to kill, how about slimy Wormtail, After all I do have rat poison like a I just said.

Hagrid: good idea!

( they walk away singing)

We are the Wormtail-destroyer squad, We're here to destroy that slimy, creepy rat!

**A/N Will Umbridge come back? Of course she will! If she didn't we wouldn't be able to kill her again, I'm plotting a mass murder coming up. I love u 4 reviewing all your great ideas! Keep them coming! you are so fab!**


	13. the mass murder of Umbridge & Co

**The Mass Murder of Umbridge & Co.**

A/N: Sorry the updating has been slow, my only excuse is I've been realy lazy, but at least I've done it now.

**A/N2: have you noticed? There's no disclaimers.**

Funny stuff by Meow 

(Meow is falling off a cliff. She lands in a net.)

Meow: Huh?  
Ron: Hi.  
Meow: Ron?  
Harry: We're sending you up the cliff. Kill Umbridge for us.  
Meow: Uhm, OK. Once I'm up, take away the net.   
Ron: grins OK.  
Hermione: A little crude...  
Meow: So is Umbridge.  
Hermione: True.  
(Meow goes back up the cliff. Umbridge is there)  
Umbridge: You were sent up here by underage magic! You need to be shoved back off!  
Meow: Shut up. throws Umbridge off the cliff W00t!

And another 4-liner

Umbrigde stinks,  
So everybody thinks.  
She oughtta fall off a cliff  
She's riffraff, raff, and riff!

Stuff by Tails500 

Scene:Umbitch in her office has locked up all the house-elves in cages above her desk.The house-elves way of talking is not like in the book,it's normal so it's easier to understand.

Winky:(resembles a Barbie)(lites a cigarette.) I can't believe I have to share a cage with you.(Dobby's face gets sad.)Ugh...this is so stupid!

Umbitch: No talking!

Winky:Hmmph...cow.(Winky is a bit of a valley girl.)

Dobby: I'm afraid of heights! I wanna get down!(whimpers)

Winky: Grow up.

Dobby:(sees a knife on the desk near their cage and picks it up.He shows winky and hands it to her.)

Winky:(winks)Hey Umbitch!

Umbridge:(turns to yall at her but the knife goes soaring into her neck and she falls down dead)(the elves cheer and burst into a song)

All: Huzzah! Hurray! Umbridge died today! What a wonderful day it is! Oh gee!Oh wow! Dead is that cow!  
(random elf): Now lets pry her mouth open and take a whiz!(they all stare at him oddly.)(song ends)

Dobby: you killed her Winky! Yay!

Winky: it was nothing.

Dobby:I think I love you!(tries to kiss her but she moves.)

Winky:uh, Hello! personal space! Now how do we get down?

Dobby:No clue. I think it's rather nice up here now that Umbridge is dead.(puts arm around her shoulder)

Winky: Personal Space!(shoves him)

More by Tails500 

New scene! For stupid wormtail!(the elves are still stuck in their cages. Dobby is still trying to get some...)

Wormtail:(bursts into the toads office whistling. The toad has been magically ressurected by her boyfriend filch)

Umbridge: Who the beep are you!

Wormtail: stares into her eyes and falls in love)

Kreacher: aw jesus! Thats just nasty even for me!

Umbridge:(zaps Kreacher with a lazer...poor Kreacher)Shut up, you!

Dobby: Ha-ha!

Umbridge:You shut up too!

Dobby; My organs!(Winky pays no attention)I'll buy you something pink and expensive and pink if you pretend to care.(no response)with my money!(response)

(Suddenly the Umbridge destroyer squad crashes into the room)

All: We are the Umbridge destroyer squad. She is so big and fat!Let's hope Filch knows what the cheating toads doing with a slimy, smelly rat. If she and Kreacher were in a Miss Hogwarts contest I think we'd know who'd win.

Kreacher: Me!(very flattered) I want to thank--(ZAP!)

Filch: (appears outta nowhereland)What's goin'-(sees w and u.)rar! You a-stealin' my girlfriend!(zaps both outta fury)

All: Horray! Horray! Filch has saved the day! Horray! Horray! Horray!

Filch: No! I'm supposed to be a mean-(shoots himself.)

Winky: I'd like to get down now!(Dobby's head is on her fake boobs.)

The Umbridge destroyer squad:Sorry we don't know where the key is. Goodbye.(walks off whistling)Let's hope the next time we come back here, there are still two in the cage and not three.

Winky: EWW! Get off, you pervert!

Sassafrass's crossover scene of potC and HP 

scene is the Black Pearl fron PotC. Jack is drinking his precious rum w/ some random crew members. Umbridge falls out of the sky(randomly of course) and hits the deck with a loud BAM and leaves cracks where her arse hit.  
Jack: My ship! WHAT THE #$ DID YOU DO TO MY SHIP!   
Umbridge: too much of a moron to relise what she did You, sir, have no right to talk to me that way! I'M the secretary of bla bla bla Ministery bla bla bla Cornelius...  
Allexumbridge: eyes twitching  
Jack: downs half his bottle of rum  
Umbridge: You, pay attention to my to my rambling!uses wand to throw bottles overboard  
Jack: MY RUM! THE RUM'S GONE! WHY IS THE RUM GONE!   
allexumbridge:grab a cannon each  
Jack:FIRE! all fires at the toad  
Umbridge is then blown to pieces and flung into the ocean causing all the sea life within a five-mile radius to die from toxic piosoning  
Jack and his crew then celebrated by drink as much rum as they could hold and singing off-key drinking songs.

Gimlibeard73's completely crazy stuff 

scene: Umbridge is dressed in a potato costume for the school talent show...: dadadadada! Oh, I'm a jolly spud, some people call bud, I live down in the mud, with all the other tubers!(end song) everyone:Boo! boo! You stink! Boo!Umbridge: hem-hem! how dare you insult my potato song...educational decree no.34 states...all house-elves must be virgins...wait a minute I mean-- ron: Get off the stage you clown! Dumbledore:(in a cucumber costume)(pushes Potato-bridge off the stage and you dies)everyone: yay!

Dumbledore:I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber...please don't take me to the pickle farm! ba-dum-bum-bum!(everyone: yay!)thank-you! thank-you!(bows repeatly)thank-you! you're all wonderful! thank-you!

If you were wondering what happened to the house elves in cages heres what I wrote 

Scene:dobby and winky and kreacher are locked in the cage. Then umbridge's dad jumps into the room(do you remember him? Hes the toad that left us a note)

Umbridges dad called Froggy: Oh dear, what happened here.

Kreacher:Your daughter locked us all up in cages hanging from the ceiling, or hadn't you noticed.

Froggy: Oh right, ill get you down.

Kreacher: How?

Froggy: I never told you I used to be a locksmith did I?(hops up to the cage, pulls out a lock pick, opens the cage and lets out Kreacher.)

Kreacher:Just leave them there their not coming.

Froggy: No, it doesn't look like it. (Dobby and Winky are kissing, then froggy thinks of something) I used to be a locksmith but now im a priest, so im going to get you two married and if yor not listening (which they aren't) you cant do anything about it. Blah blah blah blah blah, I now pronounce, or is it announce, oh well, you house elf and wife.(they continue kissing) oh well, its their own fault

Kreacher: winky didn't want to kiss him earlier.

Froggy: how odd. Well we'll have to dispose of that toxic waste safely.

Kreacher:Toxic waste?

Froggy:My daughters corpse. (asks kreacher) Who's that who just walked into the room?

Kreacher: its my misterss, bellatrix! Yay!.

Froggy: She smells funny(blasts bellatrix)

Kreacher: Nooooooooooooooooo!

Froggy: Oh do stop winging, your getting on my nerves (blasts kreacher too)

Snape: (hears kreachers scream and runs into the room) whats going on here!

Froggy:A blob of grease! Yuk I can't stand dirt!(then blasts snape)

Inquisitoral squad: We received a call that our leader was in trouble.

Froggy: You're a little late I'm afraid, and late people deserve punishment (blasts the lot of them, then spots mrs Norris walking around) oh dear, im allergic to cats(blasts her) well, now I must dispose of that toxic waste. (shouts) couple in the cage! Would you be so kind as to help me? (no response) ill do it myself then.(takes a deep breath, then does a croak so long and so loud that all the corpses in the room are thrown out of the window and into the lake where they are eaten by the giant sqid. D + W are saved by the cage.) I shouldn't have done that being a priest and all. But being a priests no fun, I should become an assassin . Well goodbye, couple in the cage (makes a stylish exist and is given a very, VERY, large round of applause and cheering by all the Hogwarts students and teachers who had been secretly watching)

A/N: Well how was that for a mass murder of Umbridge and Co. with a little help from tails500 and of course Froggy, all my lovely reviewers can have an extremely chocolatey thing or if that makes them sick they can have…cant think of anything so they just have to be sick. Double for meow, sassafrass, gimlibeard73 and tails500 for their help in killing Umbridge. C u soon.


	14. She will die again

**She will die again**

**A/N: Ok so I have updated after all, cos u lot write realy funny stuffs.**

This is by white pheonix 

is given soda, which disgusts her ack! SODA!

cheers that Umbridge is Dead  
Umbridge is dead,  
Shot in the head!  
Umbridge is dead,  
Thrown in the lake,  
Baked into a cake!

Umbridge is dead,  
Shot in the head!

Popeye the sailor man thing by SasukeBlade 

She's Umbridge the Ministry frog!  
She's really quite the hog!  
She eats flies and worms  
Is lower than a germ  
She's Umbridge the ministry witch!

MiSS-x-MoOneY's song 

professor umbridge is an ugly toad  
who should've been strangled instead of bode  
unfortunately she lived on  
and continued ruining lives  
i hope that one day  
she'll be stabbed by a hundred knives

Crush.Summer.Pink's HATING UMBRIDGE tune thingo  
  
:Umbridge hit her head,  
On Finlch's bed,  
And now she has no head,  
Hurray for Umbridges DEAD.:

Tails500's rap sung by Fred and George 

yoyoyo! who is that walkin' into the room, oh no it's umbridge,lets shoot her, kaboom!she's the witch who everyone has got to hates, the son of a bitch who always degrades,yoyo, i was walkin' in to d.a.d.a. one afternoon, their sat the fat lard,with her crack out-- full moon! i took out my shotgun, fearing i'll be blind, i pulled the trigger, and shot her behind, there was umbridge raining everywhere, umbridge bone, brain, ass,nipple,nose and hair. the others cheered around me with loud, noisy, screams, umbridge was gone, the start of our dreams, if you wanna be cool like us twins,yes you,take out a gun and shoot umbitch too! peace!(end song)everyone: yay!

This is also by tails500, and yes u can have a cookie, a bag full of them, I like this but you write some pretty dirty stuff.

Falling out a Window randomness  
Scene: (snape has accidently drunk a secret potion which was a prank for umbridge and turns into frank n. furter, the coolest transvestite in the world.)

Frank:Huh, what am i doing here and where's my darling rocky?

Umbridge:Eek! Vampires!(jumps out a window)

Frank:No,I'm just a sweet transvestite!

Dobby and Winky:Cool!

Frank:I didn't like that lady whoever she was. she wasn't really grooviliscious!

Dobby: Like Ronald McDonald?(Winky slaps him)Ow!

Frank: What!

Mrs. Weasley:(appears out of nowhere)RONALD!RONALD!(falls out the window)

Ron:MUM!

Mrs. Weasley:I'm okay...(gives him a thumbs up)

Umbridge:(appears in the doorway)What are you all doing in here you plug-heads!(Mr. Weasley appears)

Mr. Weasley: PLUGS! PLUGS!MWAHAHAHA!(crashes into Umbridge and they both fall out the window)

Ron:DAD!(Mr. Weasley indicates that he is perfectly fine.)(to Frank)Your turn, lady!(shoves him out)Whe!(Frank breaks his back)

Frank:(runs away)you people are CRAZY! CRAZY!(Voldemort appears)

Voldy:NO! I AM CRAZY!I AM THE CRAZIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!CRAZY!MWAHAHAHAHA!(hits self with a brick and jumps out the window and breaks legs;still laughing hysterically)

Umbridge: Get off me, you psychopathic clown!(A clown appears and shoots her.)

All: HOORAY! THANK-YOU, MYSTERIOUS PSYCHOPATHIC CLOWN!

Clown:(sings very fast)OH, I'M A PSYCHOPATHIC CLOWN AND ALL I REALLY DO IS FROWN,I NEVER HAVE FUN,SO I'LL TAKE OUT THIS GUN AND-(shoots self)WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE!(dies)

Dobby:Oh damn, that was Ronald and I didn't get his autograph...oh well, hand me and my wife his flesh, we're starving!

Frank:(about the clown)What a guy!

Winky:(sniffs) Makes ya cry...

Victor Krum: Oon't, I did.

Frank:Lets eat his flesh!

Winky and Dobby: YAY! (the three begin to eat Ronald Mcdonald's flesh)

Ronald Weasley: My family members are spazs.(all the other Weasley's appear and jump out the window with Harry and Hermione)Oh, well...(joins them)

This is by varadrovia 

(everybody is fighting and bellatrix and sirius are on top of the arch)  
sirius: Come on, you can do better then that, come on!  
Bellatrix: You bet i can! WHE! (spins wand around then throws it at sirius)  
Sirius: Ow. (they watch as her wand falls to the ground then explodes)  
Bellatrix: Uh...  
Sirius: hm...  
Bellatrix: eh, heh.  
Sirius: That, sucked.  
Bellatrix: Yeah, oh well it was nice knowing you cousin, kiss kiss! (pushes him off the edge, tragicly, there is terribly gasps and my hatred and loathing for bellatrix is born)  
Sirius: (dies, then i become enraged and obviously tonks does too)  
Tonks: (people are trying to revive her, she suddenly sits up) NNO! i didn't even know him!  
Harry: NO! SHE KILLED SIRIUS! I'M GONNA KILL HER!  
Tonks: NO! I'M GONNA (hits bellatrix with the killing curse) MUAHAHA!  
Umbride: (Comes hopping through the door covered in algea and swamp goo) Ribbit.  
Tonks: What's that thing?  
Lupin: look away my love, for it is too hideous to even look at. (Shields her eyes then he turns away)  
Umbgridge: Ribbit, killing curse is illegal, tonks, you're going to azkaban, ribbit.  
Harry: (stares then hits her with the killing curse, everyone cheers.)  
Tonks: Oh how romantic! (kisses lupin)  
Everyone: Aww!  
Harry: And then they all live happily ever after, except for the sirius dead thing which sux, the end!

**A/N: Maybe I will update and maybe I wont, I don't know but hope u liked all that stuff cos I think its gr8.**

**BlackStar Wolf14:I will use that idea next time I update if I do, which I might, cool idea, have a cookie.**

**GimliBeard73:I'll put that in next time too once ive thought of something 4 da UDS to do.**


	15. We hate Umbridge!

**We hate Umbridge**

A/N: I haven't used all ur ideas this chappie so sorry but I will nxt time. I also haven't updated 4 a while due 2 a large pile of homework and the fact that ive been ill, even tho I still haven't decided if im continuing this story or not.

**Disclaimers: The song is Honda's, blah blah blah.**

**The Hate song about Umbridge not diesels of that advert**

_Here's a song for anyone__  
__who's ever hated Umbridge…__  
__in the key of Grrr…_

_Can hate be good? Can hate be great?  
Can hate be good? Can hate be great?  
Can hate be something we don't hate?_

_We'd like to know… why it is so.  
That Umbridge is a jerk  
And her strange toad antics  
Are simply berserk._

_Hate something. Change something.  
Hate something, change something,  
make something better-r-r-r_

_Ohh isn't it just bliss… when when we kill Umbridge?_

_Hate something. Change something.  
Hate something, change something,  
make something better-r-r-r…_

Jingle bells _again _by April

Flying through the snow on a magic broomstick ride. Over the feilds we go flying side by side! The Hogwart's  
bells do chime,Umbridge smells like slime, oh what fun it is to ride singing this Christmas song tonight! Hogwart's bells! Hogwart's bells! Umbridge smells like cheese! Dumbledor's got a beard and she has deformaty, Hogwart's bells! Hogwart's bells! Umbridge smells like cheese! Dumbledor's got a beard and she has deformaty!

A day or two ago I'd thought I'd take a ride and soon that ugly toad, was flying by my side. She was closing up on me I didn't know what to do, then she ran into a tree and did a splat and I took a puke!

Chorus

Random scene by Varadrovia

(Scene: a swamp, misty, lotsa trees in the swamp, lotsa green, umbridge is sitting on a lilly pad prepareded to catch flies)  
Umbridge: Ribbit. (catches fly with tongue)  
(out of nowhere a large snake appears)  
Snake: (Stares and blinks at umbridge for a while) Wow, that's one ugly toad. (Stares some more then eats the ugly toad) Ewe, that tasted vile, oh well nasty spoiled food is better then none!

Myspleen's thing – umbridge wasn't worth a poem

There once was a toad named Umbridge...and one day she died.

Padfootbabeinblack's rocky horror meets hp

Scene: Frank has just hit Umbitch with the sonic transducer coz he thought it might be funny, and it's the only thing to do with her.(apart from kill her obviously).

So here's Umbridge's section from 'rose tint my world' out of the floor show

Oh I'm just a deformed toad  
Not fit for the eye to behold  
And somebody will be told  
The Albus must be controlled  
Now the only thing that reassures me  
Is the power of the ministry.  
rose-tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

Suddenly, Space riff-raff and Magenta burst into the scene early.

Mags: God that was awful.  
then riff shoots Umbitch with the laser-thing, and she's dead

Everyone: HURRAY

**Gimlibeard73- erm, I can't remember anymore either so I cant really add anything, hmm, that could be a problem, oh well**

Dobby: i wanna do it!  
Hagrid: Lets draw straws.  
Hermione:Harry said we should work together.3 of a kind.  
all: birds of a feather, now and forever.Whee! lalalalala.Kidnap the Umbridge toad, lock her up real tight,throw away the key and turn off all the lights.  
Herm: First we're going to set some bait, inside a nasty trap and wait, and when she comes a-sniffing we will snap the trap and close the gate!  
Dobby: Wait! I got a better plan to catch this big, fat,toad woman, we'll pop in a boiling pot and when she's done we'll butter her up!  
all:Kidnap the Umbridge toad,throw her in the box,bury her for 90 years then see if she coughs!  
Herm: Then mister oogie boogie man, can take the whole thing over, then, he'll be so pleased I do declare,That he will have to cook her rare...  
all:whee

**A/N: Did I or didn't I use evry1s ideas? Well sorry if I didn't but I'm losin track wiv all this copying and pasting and typing in fresh stuff. I've decided if I get sum reviews I might update a few more times, maybe more, but not this week cos il be in france! I'll bring u back sum pressies.**

**LinnyLoo: Of course u can! Any cookie of your choice.**

**Hanah: U probably aren't reading this but I do not hav the brain of a six year old, I got the highest Sats score in my primary school in year six (98 on maths, 95 science and 87lit) and the reason this is stupid is cos that's the idea, and believe it or not, sum ppl wiv a sense of humour (the rest of my reviewers) actually like it, I bet ur always miserable rnt u? I hav a stressful life and I rite this cos it makes me feel good. I don't care if u don't like it, everyone else does and im going to keep ritin it. So theres a warning 2 any1 else who wants 2 flame me, I can b nasty wen I want.**

Created by 04marshallk


	16. A mini show of hatred

A mini show of hatred

A/N: felt I should put sumfin in b4 my long break so here is a mini show of hatred by Stitch, Tails500 and Unknownwarrior

**Disclaimers: they wrote this, me-I'm takin a break, umbridge is all ms. Rowlings.**

Stitch's festive stuff 

Deck the halls with Umbridge's guts! Falalalala! For tis the season to have fun! Falalalala! Follow me in merry measure... Falalalala! As we make this toad have high blood pressure! falalalala! Strike the harp and join the chorus! Falalalala! as this toad dies before us! Falalalala! Cover the eyes of merry children... Falalalala! So they don't have to see this unpleasent reserection! Falalalala! Sorry that was a little graphic.

Umbridge the minstery of magic, was a very ugly toad!  
And if you ever smelled her, it would make you hold your nose!  
All of the other students, always laughed and called her names!  
They wouldn't let the moron, join in any Qudditch games!  
Then one Hogwarts Christmas Eve Trawlney came to say,  
Umbridge I see a great downfall, then she pushed her down a waterfall!  
Then how the students loved her as they shouted out with glee, Trawlney though your freaky, you'll go down in History!

Tails500's rocky horror 

Scene:Umbridge has decided to install an elevator in hogwarts cause she's too damn lazy to walk up all those stairs, the lazy bum-toad!

Umbridge: Uggy-bears! What a long day! Time to go up to my office and take a rest for a zillion-jillion hours!(The elevator inside the cage is missing) Hey! Where'd my elevator go! I refuse to lift my lazy fat ass to walk up all those stairs!(There are five.lol!)  
she turns around and see's Filch  
Filch: Chicken nuggets are the only things that understand me!  
Umbridge:Boyfriend! What happened to the elevator?  
Filch:Dunno.Wait a minute!the elevator slowly is coming down with intense cool music in the backround  
Umbridge:That music scares me!  
Filch:Don't worry! I'm here. Nothing to worry about!Umbridge turns around and sees Frank.  
Umbridge:screams and faints.  
Frank:singsHow'd ya do, I see you've met my...music stops This place is dumb! Let's go somewhere else!he shoots Umbridge and Filch and everyone cheers.Let's go guys.leaves  
Harry and Ron:MY HERO!(Hermione and Ginny slap them.)  
House-elves: Huzzah!LETS DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN!they celebrate and dance over the dead bodies.

Unknown warrior's scene 

Here's a scene:  
(Umbitch is marching through the great hall about to make an annoucement when the door bursts open.)  
Umbridge: Father, what are YOU doing here!  
Umbridge's father: I came here to tell you that you were switched at birth, which explains why the doctor slapped my wife when she saw you.  
Umbridge: Excuse me?  
Umbridge's 'father': Here's your daddy! (He held out a toad)  
Umbridge: WHAT! I'M A TOAD! (all of the sudden slime fell on her)  
Fred: Hey look everybody our 'headmistress' is embracing her homeland, the swamp!  
All:Hahahahahhahhahahahahahhahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahhahhahahahaha!  
Umbridge: But I'm the undersecretary of blah, blah, blah.  
Ramdom student 1: Oh just SHUT UP!  
Ramdom student 2: Yeah who cares!  
(Umbridge stormed away)  
Umbridge's 'father': I'm sorry she turned out this way.  
Umbridge's REAL father: It's all right, I was never expecting much out of her anyways. I'm even more sorry you got stuck with her!

**A/N: Thanx guys 4 that, every1 who sent a signed review will have 2 wait cos I got them of my anon page, that's why its mini, so 2 every1 else realy realy realy realy realy sorry. **

**Okay, c u in a few months, maybe sooner. Bye.**

Created by 04marshallk


	17. The Ministry Moron

**Umbridge the Ministry Moron**

**A/N: I just had to put something in for Christmas so here it is.**

**Disclaimers: Lyrics are mine but basically everything else isn't.**

My song to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with lyrics provided by Umbridge's half-brother Crazy Frog.

Umbridge the Ministry Moron _ding ding_

Had a very annoying cough _di ding_

And everyone who ever heard it _ding ding_

Though that it was very daft _di ding ding_

They tried to give her cough sweets _bam bam_

But that didn't work _a bam bam ding_

She refused the cough drops _ding ding_

And carried on coughing like a jerk _di ding ding ding_

All of the Hogwarks students _bamba ding_

Thought that she was a toad _ba ding_

They fed her a bomb _ding ding_

Hoping she would explode

She did

Bang

And that's the end of the Ministry Moron _ding ding_

The death of the Umbridge toad _a bam ding_

That bomb was worth its weight in gold! _Ding ding ding bam a bam baam da ding!_

**A/N: others people who have so kindly reviewed me ideas, again I apologise for not including them but I will next time. (how posh did I sound then? Ugh.)**

Created by 04marshallk


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